This is a crucial part of habit change. “We must remember, then, that any time we make a decision about what to do, our brain first evaluates whether that action can possibly lead to either pleasurable or painful states”. “We’re not driven by the reality, but by our perception of reality”. Frozen in a decades-long sleep, these men and women were given up as hopeless until 1969, when Dr. Sacks gave them the then-new drug L-DOPA, which had an astonishing, explosive, “awakening” effect. She moves into a house of her own around the corner from her husband's house, claiming absolute independence. “New experiences trigger change only if they cause us to question our beliefs. “The challenge is threefold: 1) most of us do not consciously decide what we’re going to believe; 2) often our beliefs are based on misinterpretation of past experiences; and 3) once we adopt a belief, we forget it’s merely an interpretation”. It’s just a matter of asking questions: ‘What do you believe makes you different? I read the summary of a book like this and think “Man, I’ve heard a lot of this before.” But that’s because a) I read a lot of self-help books and b) the market has been flooded with them over the past 20-30 years. “It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean”. For example, if you want to quit eating chocolate, Tony says you should force yourself to sing a song you hate out loud every time you eat some. Your brain looks for something that seems to be happening simultaneously. Yes, yes it could be. Get My Searchable Collection of 100+ Book Notes, Download a free PDF version of this book summary. All the things that she had taken as gospel: that a woman wants to devote all of herself to her kids and husband, and that sex without love = unsatisfying sex, turn out to be false. Each action you take strengthens your commitment and raises the level of your emotional intensity and conviction”. 1) Start with the basic belief. The story begins at Grand Isle, a ritzy vacation spot near New Orleans, where Edna Pontellier is summering with her husband and two children. “You are not even limited to your own personal experiences as references. “Whenever something happens in your life, your brain asks two questions: 1) Will this mean pain or pleasure? “Not only do you have to decide what results you are committed to, but also the kind of person that you’re committed to becoming”. For the best experience on our site, be sure to turn on Javascript in your browser. “We must remember that all decision-making comes down to values clarification”. “Our ability to change the way we feel depends upon our ability to change our submodalities”. Those are the legs that make your tabletop solid, that make your belief certain”. “If you don’t set a baseline standard for what you’ll accept in your life, you’ll find it’s easy to slip into behaviors and attitudes or a quality of life that’s far below what you deserve”. The Pontelliers are vacationing here for the summer. “How do we know if a rule empowers or disempowers us? “The hierarchy of your values is controlling the way you make decisions in each moment”. Your decisions about what to focus on. When you think your best friend is not a good friend, because she only calls you once a month, then that’s just your rule about thinking best friends call each other every few days. Reinforce good feelings with powerful words and play down bad emotions with less intense language. She realizes that what she wants is to belong to herself, rather than being a wifely appendage to another husband. Edna, heartbroken and confused, returns to Grand Isle. “A conviction, however, eclipses a belief, primarily because of the emotional intensity a person links to an idea. “Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach”. “The only way for us to have long-term happiness is to live by our highest ideals, to consistently act in accordance with what we believe our life is truly about”. Your decisions about what to focus on. I’m pretty sure you have. There are three primary criteria: 1. When she comes out of the water, there's an unspoken realization that Robert and her flirtation has become something a little more than a harmless crush.